Dried field needs to be plowed

A’udzubillahiminnasysyaitannirrajiem
Bissmilllahirrahmaniirahim
I seek Allah’s guidance in write this… cos it might only cos of my lust to write this… to encounter whole things happened to me these days…
Started with place where I work this time and b4… it is always dried field of Islamic atmosphere… place where I’m the only one stricted to sharia… hijabified, trying to avoid in shake hand with man (but sometimes its hard), surely prayer and fasting, and “fearless to my boss :D” these such attitudes are definitely strange for my colleagues at office.
i’m totally realize these situation would reduce my iman, being here is quite difficult, meet different thoughts from different people… fact is… its true… I’m poisoned. sometimes loose control, (but tried to not drowned by the current) some might says I’m dying.
one thing might need to considered, we are the best among us… what make muslim special and different with jews are we’re doing da’wah wherever we are. we enjoin the good deeds and forbid the bad deeds.
Allah won’t put upon us something we can’t bear. we never know, which level are we, when we never try to play a part of this session (da’wah), can we say we can’t bear of something when we never tried??? some muslim more choose to plow the vertilized field cos its simple or just try to have save job, some other let theirselves infected and with Allah’s help nutrized their life with antibody they’ve prepared before plow this area.
we can change our perspectives when we look something, I look this dried field as potential area for me to plant seeds of islam, I look this area as place where I can strive to get Allah’s mercies, have we think, that they need us? they might dried cos no one interest to soak them with islam, not because they refused, they might darkened cos they don’t know how to turn on the light of islam, (in this case… I m in muslim population) its our responsibility. I think, it just not the right time to be exclusive, and personally possessed by being saint, we don’t need saint, we need people to vertilize the dried field.
sometimes we think thats useless work on this, does man deserve to reward what we have done? Man isn’t Allah… Allah is the One who can jugde the rewards, there’s nothing useless in the eyes of Allah if we look for Allah’s bless, but when we only focus just for the result, means we are a looser. how pathetic, think that we have right to calculate with mathematic the success of da’wah. but remember we r never fail in da’wah long as we tried, new generation will come and continue this way. it always be like this. hope when I sign out from here... this field had been ready to be planted by new comers. inshaAllah. and pls pray 4 me to call my friends to obey Allah
it’s a ridiculous when I write this, my senses yell at me, “you’re polluted, infected and poisoned…”
Allah… help me!!! I m going under of this ship… its abt time to be drowned…
I need to refuel my antibody that I unable to get from my old docter. d ya have same like me?
lets share… I might need nasihah from u or u can be my online teacher. here u can mail me: Webmistress
u can my docter too *wink*
Alhamdulillahirabbil'Alamin