From The Past

Somehow...

a person like me couldnt ever really leave this blog... thanks for blogger who provides me a place to share some of my toughts and old good memories... a place where first time i really opened up about the world and understand the meaning of sharing...

Many people has no ears for you, but happily I wrote down what I feel, Many people has no time to listen what I want and here at anytime people can check it whenever they have time even just to read the title.

These few come from the past...

came up just to refresh my good old days... having many people around me.... having good friends, place to share my dreams, gossips, bad days at office, good food at lunch, bad mood, memories of childhood, and some other things...

This one from 7 years back...

She's a very caring person, met her on chat room, she's a person I easly talked with... she's morethan a friend to me even more close than my sister, she's a very helpful person, none can deny it, one phonecall she'll be right on ur nose in a minute. Thx Allah of having her as my friend but sadly she's far now

From 6 years back

He's not exactly come from 6 years back... he was there when wewere a kid, he's my cousin and my neighbor but then he left for good to other city... since then i never met him... one day after many years, on one occasion of his brother's function, we met, and just stared each other, asked each other's name, no one replied. just like in the movie, since then we r on contact...

I just found her last 2 week

I knew her from a friend in same group of my company, she led me to this stage now... she led me to the place i never ever touch its ground. but then i lost her, none can trace her, all her contact details r changed, no sources to find her... finally after all this time, she contact me thru my blog. yes... i found her back...

I share this with u, some from the past... when u dont have time to listen but always have time for browsing and eager to know the world...

I'm part of that world

~~~~~~~~~~

One more thing to share

I've changed since the day I learnt about being muslim... i won't say i am a real muslim but i am trying to be as good as to be a muslim... since then i started to evaluate my days by writing in diary.. i miss that now... good to have blog but still i need to have good one hour of writing... "not for u to read just for me to remember"

~~~~~~~~~~

Went to the moon, and back

feel like just back again to earth after landed in the moon... that's what i feel about four months in a place where i use to play and sleep, laugh and cry, etc.


The place i called as earth before now i seen it as a moon, good to see but i cant stay for long. I have my earth now where my husband and son live and where my feet stand on, but... moon is always as bright as it is when night comes...


Allah has really had arranged it for my small family smoothly, none of us can deny it... just few week after returning to drop us to jakarta my hubby got a call for interview in dubai in PR Agency, which mean he has to live there. Lucky me, Alhamdulillah me and Muhammad already in Jakarta, so we didnt feel lonely. Next few weeks I found my grandfather from mother side passed away (May Allah granted him Jannah), i was very close to him when i was a kid... we called him "mbah Ngok" cos he always kissed us and made "Ngok" sounds. this thing makes me more realize that how lucky i was, visiting jakarta in a very right moment, during my pregnancy... everything was so fascinating, even muhammad enjoyed alot, he went to school my sister runs, he learnt "bahasa" and learn how to socialize. He learnt so many thing

He went to mosque with my parent, he read Al-fatihah and so many dua other than dua i tought him everynight.

More things he learnt about life which i could never ever do it here, like playing with real animal like ducklings, chicks, rabbit and fish. He understand how is life, how thing grows, how things live and die. Oneday my mother bought him and his cousin 2 ducklings, everything was working so normal with brief explanation how to take care a duckling, next day in a very sunny day i was talking in the phone and muhammad playing with duckling... suddenly he ran to me and telling me that the duckling is sleeping, crossed in my mind the duckling must have died... and its really happened, Oooouh... i dunno what to do, laugh or cry... but for sure Muhammad learnt something...

PULANG KAMPUNG

Counting the day to my homecoming... Inshallah it will 13th June... this homecoming should have a little party i guessed... Thanks to my friend who invited me to her wedding... so lets call her wedding party also my homecoming party...



Not much thing i prepare this time, as i just want to spend my 4 months with my big family, in Jakarta... my mother just asked to get CHAI (south Asia tea) for my father... he just fallen in love with this tea... i dunno why... though i live here, myself couldnt drink it, most of people drink tea morethan 5 cups a day... can u imgine it? me.... green tea with lemon is enough a cup in a day...



another story... my nephew asked me to bring a Robot toy, which i dont have any clue where to get it cos i never seen once... or i m just to lazy to go and look aroung into the toyshop... yes offcourse i have a small boy who also love to have toys... but naaa... i dont want to spoil my kid with such toy rather then with educated toys...



speaking of which... some indonesian family also going this month... a friend she kept two passport for her kids, while i keep pakistani passport for my son... a terrorist passport... hmmm...not exactly he just a kid, eventhough he has to apply visa to next country even afghanistan... but we dont have to apply visa to enter my country right...!!! thx to our government for dual nationality...



nothing to worry about...



my staying is actually planned according to my friend's wedding... in the meantime i planned to have second baby as my son he is growing to fast nowadays... Alhamdulillah now i'm expecting... and a good news is i got 4months validity ticket... so good for me i can have relax days cos so many people in my neighborhood who loves to play with my son... especially my family...

just pray for me

kembali belajar

Menjadi seorang individu yang egois mungkin lebih mudah ketimbang menjadi individu yang penuh toleransi, karena tidak perlu memikirkan perasaan orang lain, tidak perlu berbagi dan tidak perlu bersilaturahmi. Namun penciptaan manusia bukanlah sebagai individu yang bediri sendiri namun adalah individu yang berjamaah saling mengisi... walau kadang dalam kelompok terjadi berbagai konflik hingga jelas seorang yang menjauh dari kelompok akan merasa dirinya seolah seperti BOMB yang sewaktu-waktu bisa meledak jika bergesekan dengan hal-2 kecil.

Filosofinya kental kedengarannya atau akunya saja yang merasa begitu... karena sejak aku menjauh (sengaja atau tidak) dari kelompok aku merasa jiwaku goyah dan seolah mudah jengkel. aku boleh dikata orang "begitu Mobile" sebelum menikah sehingga tak ada waktu bagiku untuk duduk dirumah... dahulu bagiku tak sedap bila sehari tak berbicara dengan teman baikku atau paling tidak dengan seseorang... namun lebih nyaman lewat telepon karena engkau mendengar aku dan aku mendengarmu.

Lain sekarang Lain masa "Gadis". Sekarang jamaahku mengecil dan lebih intensif dengan jamaah tersebut, Ini dia Keluarga Kecil-ku... Suami, Anak dan Mertua lelaki... dengan jamaah baru ini dan setiap hari aku bersama mereka kadang jenuh juga kadang rindu... aku belajar.

Yah kembali belajar.... mungkin terlihat telat karena usia kelompok ini sudah 3 tahun. Selama ini aku tidak mereview meski aku belajar.... menuliskan kembali di blog adalah upayaku mereview mengembalikan kebiasaanku mengevaluasi diri dan lingkungan....

Banyak hal yang aku pelajari dari kelompok ini... yang pertama dan utama adalah belajar mencintai... Jujur saja pernikahan ini tidak diawali oleh cinta karena pertemuan ku dan suami bilang dibilang seumur jagung... 3 bulan pertama saling ta'aruf menjelaskan kesiapan masing-2 3 bulan kedua mencoba untuk tafahum dan 3 bulan berikutnya untuk persiapan pernikahan... aneh keliatannya karena kami berkenalan lewat sebuah matrimonial service... semua ini diawali atas cinta kepada Allah dan Sunnah rasul-NYA...

Namun ternyata harus ada juga yang namanya cinta dengan orang yang tak aku kenal sebelumnya... ie. mertua dan ipar... Alhamdulillah tidak begitu susah dibanding beberapa temanku namun tetap saja butuh waktu dan niat untuk belajar...

Tentu dalam membina hubungan pasti banyak konflik-2 yang terjadi yang sebelumnya aku belum dapat menerima bahwa ini adalah bagian dari hidup berjamaah... kembali lagi bahwa aku dahulu merasa menjadi egois (keras kepala dan tidak menerima penolakan) itu lebih nyaman... meski berkali-2 sekelilingku mengingatkan aku bahwa ada kala egois itu indah hingga akhirnya aku tersadar...

Menjalin hidup berjamaah yang baru membuatku kembali lupa... bahwa "hanya" kadangkala egois itu indah.... selanjutnya justru malah menimbulkan kegoncangan dalam jamaah... Alhamdulillah dengan mengingat niat aawal membentuk jamaah ini bahwa jamaah ini diikat oleh buhul yang kuat mitsaqon ghaliza...(bener ga yah tulisannya) aku memcoba kembali belajar....

Dimulai belajar dari Baba-nya Muhammad... yang begitu tulus mencintaiku... diikuti oleh kesetiaan Muhammad yang begitu lekat dihatiku... hingga belajar dari keluhan-2 mertuaku...

Akhirnya aku tersadar aku harus kembali mengevaluasi diriku...

Aku Sangat mencintai Jamaahku

Terima Kasih untuk "mera Jaan" yang selalu sabar mengajarkanku hidup bersamamu, juga kepada "Mera Ganja Bacha" (baru digundulin soalnya) yang selalu menjadi sahabatku... yang bahkan mengajarkan aku menerima penolakan dan tidak keras kepala... (otherwise we'll fight every day)